Wonder Girl Me – It was the darkest of the day. I was wondering what happens to the mood of the weather like an abrupt darkness that veiled the sky.
I was afraid to walk on the road as I hate the sheets of rain dancing inside my hair and body. As you can say I had freshened up too hard for my convocation events.
But there is a big but! Weather is not supporting my costumes and make up. I was spinning my head 360 degrees.
What if it rains? Oh no! I decided to take a cab and I entered into my malls of how I could attend my convocation as I was planning to complete class ten and live by myself aside from the study world.
You know! My thoughts have layers like onion, it peels every time with new thoughts, what if happens regarding reasons and conclusions.
I am scolded for this overthinking nature. I was prescribed to orate certain mantras from the astrologers because of my water nature like zodiac.
Though I was a toughie topper student before class five. After that, I had to beat more pressure on my studies as I was so damn weak in my math subject.
It’s like a paranoia for maximum students especially for a zero student like me. I used to leave all those trigonometry questions because I thought myself as a poorest mark achiever than all blaming those who bring those subjects in our school. No offense! It was my so called non-calculative brain issues.
Wonder Girl Me – Over Decaying Thoughts
I had failed my grades because of this over decaying thoughts. Mark sheets were valued so much at that time including everyone’s expectations.
My parents were so brainy verses my potato marks in every subject had led a deepest fur of anxiety in me. Obviously you know, I was beaten with every kitchen instrument for not scoring good and repeatedly failing in final terms.
And this time I was horrified because I failed my last term papers. I caved myself in my room, eating nothing and thinking about my glutton head what to utter in front of my dad as I know I would be taken into beating session class.
Clock ticks nine and I was in my own room seeing my final papers. Don’t ask what my score was? Except English and Nepali I had comedy marks in mathematics.
Tears well into my eyes letting me to think why I am here? As my dad used to be the teacher of mathematics and his every gesture symbolizes theories and he vocalizes all his formulas in my dinner plate and I feel uncomfortable.
He came into my room. I (Wonder Girl Me) was nauseated because of that mark. He took that paper and tore it and damn that freaking sound of tearing roar my mind. He wiped my tears and I was shocked.
He cuddled my hair and asked me what to pursue? I told him I want to give up my studies as I am already drained seeing my graph of failure. He told me to complete class ten and be free.
I see his face as his tired sunken eyes of work pressure had led him more exhausting. I bow my head that I will study up to SLC/ class ten.
New school, new friends and same old jargon me. I was standing amidst the crowd and started to wrap my mind in my studies with no aim and vision just to complete class ten.
Although teachers used to ask my introduction and grade. I massively conjure my guts to speak nothing about my grade and vision. I stood reserved in those sections.
It was Friday noon. I was dissolved in my own thoughts and my English teacher came.
He introduced his name and made all students ready for the Spelling Contest. It was the boys versus girls team. Game started and the boys were winning.
Finally, I brave my confidence and stand up while asking the spelling of those long words which boys had passed. And we won.
Girl parties hollered in excitement and started asking my name including my English teacher.
He never asks for an introduction with anyone. For the first time after class five I finally felt that growing thrill.
Teachers had broad expectations on me after that spelling contest event. Simply, I didn’t let anything shimmer.
My English teacher scolded me for not bringing the high score class test because he had marked me on that conscience that levitate my consciousness to wrestle my inner energies.
Wonder Girl Me, I used to self-question why he is expecting with dumb like me who is slogging just for minute visionaries.
Why was the answer for that was the part of me. I finally started to upgrade my studies, securing second in my English test and bringing myself on top 17.
My parents were satisfied seeing my score but they had marked me brilliant l before as I used to be a topper student before class five.
Study roller coasters with a small inch of motivation, letting me spur. After scoring a good percentage on my SLC, I read my inner guts and pursued Humanities taking major English and Social Work.
Till class 12 no wonder I took economics though there was mathematics, I topped myself with the range of academic scholarships.
I succeeded in putting my picture on the college signboard. And no wonder that day my parents felt so proud of me.
“Mam you reached your destination,” the cab driver said.
Hmm! there are miles to go Uncle, I said to him philosophically.
I came out from the cab and waved to my friends. Believe me! Weather was so crystal clear that it made me smile at my nostalgic memories.
I finally didn’t give up my studies, thankful for my parents and my mentors. Teacher’s trophy me for becoming a topper.
And yeah! My overthinking, baby of my productivity, I transform it into creative streaks.
Or else, I wouldn’t be here writing my inner instinct to ride the world to enjoy literature.